I don't want to marry you! (1)


"I don't what to marry you, I just want to f**k" is a sentence that rings and echoes in head many people's today but which they lack the courage to pronounce to their target for the fear of losing the opportunity of short term gratification of their lust. Their victim many get angry following the discovery that he/she is being used, and the game ended before it started.

As a result of this, many deceitful people opted to lie and prolong  the days of their deceits in a bid to first (or repeatedly) accomplish the goal of gratification of their lust before heading towards exit route. The exit route can be as gentle as it can be heartbroken. It often come when the exploiter find no more use for their victim(s), who may have invested emotions in the relationship. The relationship can be both short or long term, depending on how long the deceits lasted.  In most cases they are heartbroken and brought about unnecessary pains that leave their victims hurt for life. Many of such victims therefore carry that scar through life and look at everyone coming their way as a potential emotional exploiter. it takes long for some to get over it while others find a way to move on as quickly as they can.

On the other hand, there are people who established relationship with no strings attached. The two having agreed to jointly and mutually entered into conjugal relationship advance their mission without emotional commitment. I am not  here to talk about morality of such act but rather the action and its attendant consequences.

The problem arises in the second scenario above when one of the two partners eventually "catch feeling" and begin to feels protective. After all, both have been together for long. It makes sense to do so if both feel same and normalize their relationship. However, heartbreak awaits the one who finds that the other partner already have serious marital commitment with someone else and that he or she is just being used for the fun of it. No matter how strong the friendship and how far they have come, the partner that is affected negatively may consequently exits the relationship in regret if he or she has invested deep emotion and time in the relationship.

The beginning of everything determines if the ends will bring pain or joy. If a man or woman make it clear to you that, all he/she wants from you is companionship, money, platonic relationship, or even just your time, be on that lane until he/she changes his/her mind. Or until both of you agree otherwise. Make plan for yourself, protect yourself from becoming the loser with a huge emotional scar on your heart.

Whether this act is morally right or wrong is not the scope of this article. My mission is to draw attention to some of the effects of such relationship and to implore couples to learn to see where they are heading from the beginning. No doubt one of the most important thing to do at the beginning of a relationship is to define where you are going, so that you don't end up a victim of calculated emotional manipulation. However, many times, this does not happen for rational reasons where both partners are complete strangers from the start. Because of the statements like "Let's be friends first," "let's get to know each other better" etc. It is in this waiting stage that some people lose control and probably forget that they are not yet in real relationship. 

While some "friendship" intuitively graduated from this simple courtesy of knowing each other to a fully defined relationship, there are so many that never do. A situation that often arise is, where one or both partners find it hard to say their mind upon discovery that they are not compatible. This situation can be compounded where Lust has laid foundation and one or both will not want it to end without taking advantage of the other. Or where they are already immersed in each other companionship and possibly developed "feeling". Therefore words everyone must be ready to hear at a crucial time in their relationship, is " I don't want to marry you, I just want to f**k!

Why is this Important? It enables you to lower your expectation from such partner and to equip yourself with emotional cushion to deal with such disappointment just in case the retreating partner actually mean what they said. Many people changed their mind eventually when they get to know each other but many stay consistent to their words. And when departing the heartbroken partner. They always coldly reminds him/her that they didn't promise marriage!

There are many twists to this. Imagine someone, says the man, has told a woman that he s not marrying her from the beginning and has repeated this over and over. The woman decided to take his words for it. She began another relationship without telling him. Mainly as a Plan B. She gives her first choice everything he wanted, body and soul while waiting for him to change his mind. 

Meanwhile, the Plan B is getting serious and wanted her for marriage. The Plan A, on other hand still thinking he has her and can get her anytime because he gives her money, gifts and even some stay together. Then one fine morning, the woman began to change as she considers her long term future to be with the Plan B who have started filling all the void Plan A refused to fill and promise her marriage and full devotion.

And at this crucial time, Plan B man found out and started accusing the lady of cheating and of being un grateful! The fights, the shouts and argument and then heartbreak completes the cycle. They broke up. Then he go on social media to declare that women are not to be trusted! Trust no one blah blah.  In same way it could be a woman in this scenario who did this and her own will be something like "men are scums."

To be continued.

I am Isqil Najim

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