My Journal: Funny Encounter with nose poking policeman…

I hope no policeman would ask me where my father live and all those other foolish questions. They should be ready for entertainment and equally foolish answers.

Anytime I go out with a bag, there is always a chance of meeting a policeman who will stop me on the road for random check... In my mind, it is like I do sometimes resemble criminal in their eyes, especially when I am wearing jeans. They will open my bag, go through my papers (if any) and delay me even when I am in hurry. They will search my pocket, asked for ID card and then tell me they doubt I am a Nigerian. They will look at me as if I am a foreigner on the prowl and they are trying to ascertain my real identity. Most time, I would chuckle, understandably. 

Not done, they will ask for my tribe, and practically grill me like I was a lost child. Where are you going, where are coming from, who are you going to meet there. What is he to you...? blah blah blah ...One even asked me foolish question where I got my newspaper! Sometimes, I will reply them politely and sometimes, I will say thing like "my mama is still alive, will you follow me to her house to ask her those questions? Strangely, they do find it rude if you question them. I am naturally inquisitive and no policeman will stop me on the road without me also asking a question or two to make him look silly if he tries to make me look silly. 

I remember one policeman I saw smoking and look like an area boy. He tried taking my bag and I resisted. Who are you? He said he is a police officer. I demanded to see his ID card and noticed it was old. I jovially remarked after I was satisfied about his identity that "you look like those silly hemp smokers that is why I had to resist you. Or do you think I should give my bag to every area boy that want to take a look at it?" I looked at him sarcastically.  He was annoyed but realized that I was right. He went on to search me. While on it, I threw a question "how come your ID card look like one made in Stone age? It is due for upgrade and you guys need to comply with 21st Century norms." He was clearly not pleased and probably made a resolution to keep me waiting longer. Two other policemen came around (by experience, I know there is always at least one police officer lurking around in such situation) but were just watching us exchange, they were not finding it amusing either. He eventually let me go when he could not find anything.

So today, I passed by this police post while seeing off a friend. On the way back, a rough looking policeman waved at me and motioned me to come and then he flashed his identity card. I knew what he wanted but I wasn't in mood for questioning. I dropped my small bag on his lap, as he was sitting. Then I empty my pocket and brought out a magazine from the bag and placed it on the bench. Just between him and his colleague who was wearing uniform. Then I turned my back to him and watch the scenery around me with nonchalant. "When you finish reading my magazine let me know if you have any question." I said before taking my eyes off him and turned my back again.

The man was livid with rage, shouted on me." Are you crazy? Why did you put all these on here like that." I pointed to the policeman sitting beside him. I said, "this man stopped me on this spot earlier this week. He should know my face... I feel you will also behave as he did. Since you guys enjoy surfing my bag, I can as well give you the luxury." Then I brought out a Jim Colin book from the content and told the other policeman, you didn't read this one that day. Take a look." 

By then, I had created a scene with other policemen coming to see what is happening. The man who stopped me, for a reason best known to him decided to calm down. He just said... "You dey crazy!" At least that was all I heard. And  I replied, no, I am not crazy. My name is on the ID card. Before he even reply, I pour out my frustration. Why do you guys love oppressing peaceful people? Searching them like criminals while your station is next to garage where there are many potential criminals. Then I keep ranting until I mention Boko Haram. I noticed that got their attention. I said, real and gallant policemen are in Borno and Sambisa Forest helping Army to contain Boko Haram and not searching bags to read newspapers on the roadsides. The guy got angry and asked me to come into the station. But one other who recognized me calmed him down. One them said he is a clown. Let him go. I didn't say a word. I put back my paper and watch the first policeman seething with anger. I wonder why.

I walked away with a mischievous smile as I felt their eyes following me, but i didnt look back. I wonder what they were thinking. I hope tomorrow, no policeman would stop me to ask where I get newspaper again; I hope no policeman would ask me where my father live and all those other foolish questions. They should be ready for entertainment and equally foolish answers.

NB:
This happened last year and was originally written as personal diary... I just feel I share.