Baladama Effect: Before You Kill Yourself over People's Negative Perception of you

You cannot keep people from talking about you negatively but you can do something infinitely more important; you can determine whether you would let unjust condemnation/accusation disturb you or make you a better person. People say good things about you and you feel so proud, even when you don’t deserve it. But when you are spoken of in negative term, you go Bananas.

Baladama Effect is my lazy way of explaining a phenomenon whereby someone think/suspect that another friend/perceived foe has been secretly relaying false or imagined information about him or her rightly or wrongly. It could be a secret kept with that person or information he felt the other person may have picked up somewhere or from someone else. As the nagging feeling persists, his thoughts take over his very existence, damage once robust relationship between the parties involved and shatter the trust between them irreparably: Often from inside of him. The other person may or may not notice. And the suspicion may and may not have any real substance. However, this thought soon graduates from suspicious to grudge bearing and then development of some other negative feelings, sometimes, untoward actions, against the target.

Not only that, he begin to suspect everyone who has relationship with the target as potentially in possession of the secret or information he kept with the “estranged” friend. It becomes more complicated if the two had arguments earlier and no longer on talking time as the worrier begins to think his now “estranged” friend may choose to pay him back by slapping him at the back.

As his internal negativism rages, he lost his confidence and risks his health (as some of these people eventually develop high blood pressure and other emotionally induced illnesses). Some carried this bitterness to their grave yard anyway as the long term grudge shorten their lives or resulted in avoidable personal tragedy that consumed them.

What a world we live! Over the years, I have quietly observed this trend among many and once or twice almost got trapped in it. I noticed that even those people who are successful and educated are not left behind. Many are however rich enough to afford treatment for their self-induced emotional illnesses.

So what? Your friend betrayed you or backbites or even slanders you: must that send you to your early grave? Yes, you kept a secret with him; yes, you kept a secret with her and he divulged it to CNN, BBC, NTA and even Mark Zuckerberg and associates, must you become a living dead over that? Oh, I forgot to add: he deflowered you, and he is staking his integrity on the knowledge that he once bedded you; how on earth will your worry take back what he has said? Or what you have lost?

Too often, suspecting the other person(s) could be a supposition at its best and our fear may sometimes not be real. The continuous moody and suicidal thoughts ultimately induce negative development in your body and soul.  Even Judas was reported to have betrayed Jesus and this did not change anything. You may not be able to change the direction of the whirlwind, but you can always work to ensure that it does not sweep you away when it hit your path.

You cannot keep dying slowly within because of unproductive assumption that you can't verify. How many times have we executed a vengeful action only to find that the other person is completely or partially innocent? And how many times have been subjected to the same treatment by others when we know that the other person was wrong in his perception? Some of us are naturally the kinds that speak our minds openly, while some are habitually holding their thoughts and emotions to themselves, and releasing very little. It is not as if everyone carries grudges to bedroom like some goons; it is also not as if we all are perfect after all; there would always be people who are sure to slander you. So what? They would only talk and slander you among their fellow, but if you are indeed innocent, you would eventually be fine and free. Even if you are guilty, the world never completely shut its door against penitence.

You cannot keep people from talking about you negatively or positively but you can do something infinitely more important; you can determine whether you would let the unjust condemnation/accusation disturb you or make you a better person. People say good things about you and you feel so proud, even when you don’t deserve it. But when you are spoken of in negative term, you go Bananas. Respond to life in a dignified manner and treat situations with gait and candour. Resolve in your mind never to let the negative perceptions by other people determine how you live and die. Be fair to all, as much as you can and be open to criticism. Criticisms, whether fair or unfair, are needed by the Smarts.

Andre Mauois expanded on Disraeli’s thought “Often we allow ourselves to be upset by small things we should despise and forget. Perhaps some man we helped has proved ungrateful … some woman we believed to be a friend has spoken ill of us … some reward we thought we deserved has been denied us. We feel such disappointments so strongly that we can no longer work or sleep. But isn't that absurd? Here we are on this earth, with only a few more decades to live, and we lose many irreplaceable hours brooding over grievances that, in a year's time, will be forgotten by us and by everybody. No, let us devote our life to worthwhile actions and feelings, to great thoughts, real affections and enduring undertakings. For life is too short to be little.”

... Isqil Najim