Clouds
come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add
colour to my sunset sky…. Rabindranath Tagore
At exactly at 00:00 hour 18/09/2012: I sat to revise the year, which I declared the
year of renewal. Exactly this day, last year, I resolved to purge some people
out of my life and also rebuild my inner world and relationship with God, which
was; then unsatisfactory, as far as I was concerned. I then took time and
effort to avoid the things which I used to love, of course with murmurs of
disapproval from people. And tonight, a journey ended...tomorrow, a new world will open
before my eyes, and the eyes of the world. I am the same, but with a destiny
and a testimony... Thanking God and mankind for all the love and care that came
my way... Good bye to last year, welcome to a new year!
In the year, I saw and witnessed hypocrisy of friends, love
of strangers and was tested from all sides. I parted from people I loved to
enable me focus on how to love them more from afar. I have won the love of
those I used to hate, to enable me repair a part of me where hate can grow. In
all these, I have been taken for a fool for speaking in ambiguity, and for
keeping low profile where it matter. Home, work, out, everywhere, I have earned love and
hate of those around me depending on where they stood on issues and what they stood for.
In those months, I have dreamed, literarily and figuratively
and most have come to pass in a manner I never anticipated. Some evoking awe
and some frightened me that I stopped sleeping at a stage lest I dream again…
Looking deep inside my heart at this very hour, to see who is
it that I have not forgiven of any misdeed done to me, I found none, and my
heart felt lighter. I was tempted to look again and see who I have offended; I
soon realize that no matter how hard you try, you will always offend someone,
even when it is in their interest. It is not yours to control what they feel about you, but it is
yours to prepare for a day of reckoning to presents
your own side of the story. Truth is bitter, so are the consequences.. Only one
person in this world needs my attention… the person between whose legs I came
into the world.
Every mistake I have committed is mine and mine and mine
alone, and every sense and common sense I have made is someone else. Because no
one come into the world with anything but pick here and there. I meditated this
night and the lessons I was raised to imbibe from childhood and those I have
tenaciously upheld throughout my life and those I have discarded as age and
wisdom defined. I felt proud of by upbringing, and all the people I have associated with, and teachers and scholars who have influenced me. yet, I almost asked for more. But it was yesterday, gone forever.
Looking at my journey so far, I realize the end is near, the
near is the end. At a certain stage when no one is watching, this life in me
will be no more. Children, adults, men,
women, sick and healthy have gone; no one know the date Mr death will knock the
door. I forget not to see the approach of a day of reckoning. Every soul that
lives will leave, and every man whose heart is beating will end inside of it
the earth…
Today, I walk steadily with a focus and a mission stronger
than who I was. A veil lifted from a grin face and the thought of death, failure,
and disappointment vanish. I no longer fear those things as I have learned to
wake up in the morning, knowing fully well that the night is sure to come. And
that no matter the length of the night, the sun will shine again and all around
us will laugh at the mystery of the darkness and all it tricks. …
To complete
the remaining years with focus on a single goal… "the end." To live quietly and
to serve quietly. To learn to be more humble. To learn to understand everyone, whether they are negative or positive individuals and judge no one.
The hour is here, a defining moment that will live longer
till I vacate this planet. I am not ashamed of who I am and who I choose to be.
For I have chosen to partner with the creator. He is the reality of the world,
wisdom, love, justice and he is the source of all supply; the origin and end of
all that ever was and will ever be. In Him, I do not fear want, I do not fear
poverty, I do not fear injustice, I do not fear sickness, I do not fear death and I do not fear being misunderstood because I know that He is the omnipotent, and nothing but me can sever this
connection. And because He has equipped me with mentality and knowledge needed
to deal with those things.
Holding steadily the ideal of things I want and the person I
want to be, the dream I have for my generation, and looking toward His gaze as He faithfully watch over me. I can
see a new world, and a new meaning, and completely new season. I can see a new zest
for life, and a new definition of happiness and peace of mind… untainted by the
world around me. I step toward the New
Year with a single theme: “IN THE SHADE
OF THE MOST HIGH GOD; UNDER HIS COMMANDMENTS”
Holding forte; a new faith, in partnership with Him who
brought me this far, and gave me the vision to nurse, and the life to keep moving
despite my own carelessness, and the grace to turn things around. "Clouds come floating into my life," wrote Rabindranath Tagore , "no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add colour to my sunset sky…. "
Goodbye yesterday with all the memory that hurt, and the
passion that tingles, welcome tomorrow, as a shepherd finally takes his staff!
Isqil Najim
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