Dislike and Hate: A Personal Exploration of Distinct Negative Sentiments

Last night, a friend of mine, Temitope raised a critical subject during a conversation on whatsapp. The conversation then led him to ask "how do we differentiate between hate and dislike." having already explored both human emotions,  and confessed my lack of depth on the mater, I penned my perceptive. This piece is my edited response.

It is hard for me (to answer this) because my experience with negative emotions are very fleeting. This allows me to maintain affection for someone even while acknowledging their flaws or expressing opinions that might displease or even anger them. In essence, I can experience a form of dislike alongside attachment.

I think people dislike someone when they have a specific grievance or action against him. When someone does something I disapprove of, it manifest as disdain and can resurface upon encountering the person or recalling the incident, potentially evolving into resentment if unresolved. However, I believe this is distinct from hate and can often dissipate if people concerned make amend. To me, this is supposed to make people understand each other and avoid things that hurt each other in future. 

While this may be debatable and varies individually, I lean towards viewing dislike not primarily as a core emotion, but rather as a necessary cognitive-affective response for survival. Our ability to dislike harmful situations or individuals' conducts is crucial for self-preservation. Knowing the other person's boiling point help you maintain a respectable relationship. Without this capacity to react negatively to potential threats, we risk being exploited and harmed, even to the point where the perpetrator might misinterpret our passivity as acceptance.

Hate, on the other hand, feels different. It strikes deeper, resonating with the intensity of emotions like love. Interestingly, I've observed that hate can be triggered by something or someone deeply loved. The betrayal of a lover or the shattering of trust, for instance (and for me, love and trust are inextricably linked; earning my trust is akin to earning my love, while a lack of trust precludes genuine love), can ignite a passionate form of hatred.

Therefore, I am (in my own opinion) inclined to believe that hate can be a consequence of "love gone sour" – the result of irreparable damage to a relationship that once was or perhaps never fully materialized in the way one hoped. What I mean here is that, sometimes, hate can also grow where we intensely love someone and could not get reciprocity. Some people mourn that loss for as long as that person exist and doing well. 

Furthermore, hate isn't solely directed at individuals; it can be powerfully aimed at concepts or situations or groups, born from a deep emotional rejection or revenge. For hate to take root, there often needs to be a significant emotional investment that has been violated or a cause that deeply resonates with one's values. And sometimes, people inherited hate as in case of communities or tribes who has long standing hatred toward each other. And they come with their reason.

Consider politics, for example. Some individuals harbor intense hatred for the political landscape. Similarly, the late Gani Fawehinmi's unwavering dedication to fighting injustice stemmed from a profound hatred of injustice. communities today exhibited hate towards each other based on historical occurrences between their fathers or forefathers. Those ones inherited hatred.

This hatred can also shape our perspective and towards some individuals. Someone might intensely dislike a politician not for any direct harm, but because they represent the defeat of a candidate in whom they invested significant emotional hope. This highlights how hate can be directed at the perceived cause of emotional pain. Another can hate politician because they perceives him as the cause of their misfortune. Similarly, the same phenomenon can be seen in sports as manifested in violent confrontation when the two rivals meets.

It's also worth noting that dislike can sometimes operate on a subconscious level, where people concerned do not pay attention  to it but manfiest it in thought, words and action towards the target. Example through nagging, complaints,  avoiding  the target or liniting communication. In contrast, hate often manifests more overtly, sometimes become an obsessive preoccupation. It can go to extreme of them wishing you failure, sickness, and on extreme side, wishing you death. Beyond wishes, it can get violent. 

To differentiate between these two, I propose the following:

Intensity and Obsession: If the negative feeling becomes intense and consumes one's thoughts, potentially bordering on obsession, it is more likely to be hate. Dislike can oscillating between occasional interaction and respectable distance. 

Impact on Objectivity: If the feeling prevents objective reasoning and distorts perception of the entity in question, it leans towards hate. Dislike, while negative, generally allows for a more balanced assessment.

Level of Consumption and Desire for Harm: If the feeling dominates one's being, leading to sleepless nights, consuming thoughts of revenge or harm, it is clearly hate. Dislike typically may not reach this extreme, but it can graduate to hate if not addressed. 

Potential for Escalation: Dislike doesn't inherently lead to such intense, extreme harmful desires, whereas hate often carries that potential.

This is my understanding, a personal framework for navigating these distinct yet related negative sentiments. My opinion do change and can change when i broaden my experience  and knowledge of the matter. 

I am Isqil Najim