I saw the post on old man who begged his below flying around on social media. I present the psot here and my comment below it.
About two years ago, my uncle asked me to talk to his wife about returning home. During our conversation, I was shocked by her response. She bluntly said, “Your uncle should go and carry the women he used to carry when he was younger.” It became clear that her decision to stay away was intentional. She knows her husband is now old, weak, and unable to pursue other women or manage much on his own, as he relies solely on his pension and the small support sent by their children.
When I pressed further, she revealed her perspective: she claimed my uncle used to threaten her with the idea of taking a second wife and had maltreated her during their younger years. I couldn’t help but ask if this was some form of revenge. Her words left me wondering if some women patiently wait until old age to settle scores, knowing that their husbands are now vulnerable.
This story reflects a broader reality: old age often seems to favor women more than men. Many men, who once held control in their prime, find themselves at the mercy of their wives and children when they grow older. This dynamic is worsened when men fail to secure a solid foundation for their later years.
My advice to men is this: Plan for your old age. Build a support system independent of anyone, whether it’s financial stability, meaningful relationships, or a reliable community. Avoid relying solely on your wife or children, as situations can change. A secure and well-thought-out plan for your later years can ensure that no one—neither a spouse nor your children—will take you for granted when you are most vulnerable.
My comment
The Neglected Investment: Building a Family for a Fulfilling Old Age
The plan for old age shouldn't be about marrying more wives or making more money. It should be about planning a balanced life. Even wealthy men suffer loneliness, which money can't cure, while poverty can still bring contentment.
The advice to focus solely on financial security ignores the reality of many older people who couldn't maintain large families, losing the family cohesion that used to be a hallmark of the African system.
A solid foundation in marriage starts with the mindset of both partners and extends to how they manage their day-to-day family affairs. Including how they raise their children. You can't raised a badly behaved child whose only good is having As in WAEC or First class degree in University and expect to have an old age where that children surround you. Did you incubate moral and family values in them?
The story of the uncle who mistreated his wife and threatened polygamy was an incomplete one sided story. His wife's eventual departure suggests a long history of marital conflict.
The untold part: If marrying another wife was the solution, why didn't he simply marry the woman he was involved with earlier? The blame lies with men who mismanage their homes, not solely on women. Whether in a polygamous or monogamous family, a man who can't manage his home will enter old age without peace.
If a man lives long enough but cannot command the respect of his wife and children, no amount of money will improve his old age social benefits. He may have money and staff, but deep down, he'll be lonely.
Investing in Family Time
Instead, have we considered what these men do while they're younger? The constant narrative like "I'm doing this for my family" can become an excuse for neglecting family life altogether. Men chase financial freedom at the expense of directly raising their children and spending time with their wives.
The conclusion of that story also overlooks the many elderly people in poverty who are surrounded by love and family.
Therefore, it's not about financial dependence, but how a man lives his productive years. Work-life balance is key. We often view moments of family time as leisure, rather than opportunities for bonding. It's seen as a way to unwind before rushing back to work.
Technology's Impact on Family Bonding
Another factor is the role of technology. How many families today truly connect to build strong bonds? We buy our children phones, cable subscriptions, and internet data, forgetting about fostering genuine human interaction.
It's not uncommon for entire families in the same house to have no meaningful family time. Children are on Toktok, mother is are gossip page, Dad is on zoom. When they finally get tome to bond, they turn on TV or Netflix movies, surrended absolutely to the world of make believe and fictional life.
Our Role in Social Decay
Furthermore, many in positions of power contribute to this social rot. By overworking our employees and forcing them to choose between work and family, we play a part that we often deny.
Family bonding is often non-existent in many families today. Children grow up increasingly isolated from their parents. With a weak bond built solely on basic needs being met, it's easier for them to leave their families behind. Their role models become social media influencers, fake news sources, and internet personalities with little substance. Some of us endorse these actions of a few renegade among us, who pollute the social media with toxic contents as we naively believe it won't affect our own children.
Men's Responsibility
Admittedly, men suffer more from these old-age issues because they are more culpable. Many men define fatherhood solely as working to provide financially.
Women's Investment
Lastly, the article is not entirely fair on women. Why do marriages often favour women in old age? It's because they invest in the marriage beyond providing food. A woman works, cooks, cares for the children, tidies the house, and manages schedules. The man might be holding meetings and sipping wine while she manages the day-to-day life of the family. She's the one who detects if the children have personal challenges. These are investments that pay off in old age, as children are more likely to care for a parent who has been actively involved in their lives.
Perhaps when men start viewing family as an investment rather than just a place to have children who carry their name, they will prioritize family over work.
Suggestions to Professional bodies: Creating a Support System
As professionals, we can see this as a call to action. Programs like Spouse Forums can be vital investments in our long-term well-being. Many dismiss them as mere social gatherings, but they can bring families together and offer opportunities for strengthening bonds. However, such programs need proper structure and focus on creating meaningful connections, not just socializing.
The above contribution is made on assumption that a man married a good wife. For the men that married bad wife, The Lord is their strength.
We should move beyond superficial events and focus on creative family bonding activities.
I propose...NSE Ikeja Family convergence or Symposium
NSE Ikeja Family Symposium. The event will be completely non technical and focus on family bonding as well as have a competition for children of members. Not necessarily STEM as not all children want to be in STEM career. It can be basic competition like debating, drama acting or creative endeavour where children simply present any ideas or activities of interest or awarding best WAEC performance award to three outstanding members Children who do.well.kn WAEC. A special recognition fof children of members who have outstanding academic performances etc. The competition is open only to.NSE Ikeja branch families. And intended to bond. Other side attraction can be to invite family experts or speakers to the event. Date? That is up to organiser.
We shouldn't be all about poing out problems but also brainstorming on solutions
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